Weedle has long been my favorite Pokémon. Back when I was about ten years old and went to the Pokemon TCG League-thingy every Saturday, I got into a card game with a boy from school. My deck was Grass-type and had a lot of Weedles in it, plus their evolutions. Now, my first draw I didn’t have any basic Pokémon in my hand, and at the time I misunderstood the rules, so I thought I needed to discard my hand rather than shuffling it back into the deck. This happened twice, and in the process all my Kakunas and Beedrills ended up in the discard pile before the match even started.

My opponent managed to evolve a Charizard while I maneuvered four Weedles around harassing him with poison damage. But my opponent had evolved Charizard too fast and suffered an energy shortage. Eventually, my four Weedles and my ridiculous coin-flipping luck managed to fucking beat Charizard into the ground to win the match! It was a truly epic moment.

So I had the thought a while ago that I might do a Let’s Play of Pokemon Red/Blue with only Weedle! I quickly realized that that takes waaaaay too much effort and abandoned it. But today I decided to go back to my save and try again, and instead of a full LP I’d just hit the highlights.

I had a pic of Weedle here but it was accidentally overwritten. Whoops! Trust me, it is what you would expect of Weedle (terrible).

Anyway, I had a background story going where Princey here was a deadbeat kid who’d managed to wiggle out of a Pokémon journey until she was eighteen (which is practically thirty in Pokémon-world) and her mother unceremoniously kicked her out. Because she was so very, very late, however (good old cliché there), all Oak’s Pokémon were gone. Even the special ones, even the terrible ones. So he gave Princey a pat on the head and a Pokéball and told her to knock herself out.

So she wandered up through Viridian, chucking the ball at Pidgeys and Rattatas and utterly failing to capture any of them. Finally, she sees a Weedle laying there not doing much of anything (as it is a Weedle). She chucks the Pokéball at it and instantly regrets doing so, because OF COURSE this is the time it actually works. Because Weedle is about as effective a weapon as a paper bag in a torrential downpour, she christens him Failure. Princey and Failure are well-suited to each other: they are both terrible at basically everything.

But whatever, Beedrill is cool and decent for at least a while, right? So Princey arduously levels Failure up, which basically means fighting a single battle and then rushing back to the nearest Pokémon Center toting a half-conscious bug, over and over and over again. Finally, something happens!

Hallelujah! We’re finally moving up in the-

…

And so here we are, a girl and her Weedle against the world. Heaven help us all.

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